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[icon] The Fantrabulous Contraptions of One Dr. Artemis Artuvio
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Subject:Goodbye to my old life.
Time:01:01 am
Been about a month since I posted, as I just haven't had the concentration, nor inclination, to sit down and write anything.

I guess the big thing that's happened is that, as of yesterday, I am no longer a porn schlepper. Five years was more than enough for one lifetime to have spent in a pornshop and figured that now was as good a time as any to quit. Honestly, I probably should have a year ago (if not longer), but could never work up the courage to give up a steady job that I was pretty much guaranteed to have for as long as I want it.

Now that I have quit, though, it feels like a million tonnes of weight off my back. While there was nothing wrong with my job (I wouldn't have stayed 5 years if I hated it), I've just been doing it too long...little things that I never even noticed before would start grating on my nerves and I was just tired of always seeing the same people and doing the same transactions over and over. I think the last straw was when we went to 24 hours in December. I had no problem being responsible for a store with normal business hours (10-12). Yeah it sucked if someone was sick and I had to go in and cover for them, but it was part of the job. However, I'm not willing to be on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for a porn shop. Doctors should be on call, not video store managers. Plus, I just turned 27 this year and the idea of being a guy in his thirties working in a porn shop petrified me. So, I wanted to jump before I got trapped, which I was really worried about. One thing I noticed from the half-hearted attempts I made at finding another job is that not a lot of people took my experience as a manager seriously. It didn't matter that I was completely responsible for our most profitable location, that I was (until Source took over) responsible for ordering all the product for store, that I had to hire and fire and train staff, that I was completely responsible for all the money in the store, that I had to do the payroll (and for a while was doing the payroll for all our stores), basically all the kinds of things that managers at any kind of job do...to a lot of prospective employers, it wasn't a "real" job because it was a porn shop.

The last six months of working 7 days a week at the porn shop and the restaurant has been one of the hardest things I've ever down in my life. The last few months I've pretty much been tired all the time and was always stressed out, to the point that my hair started going grey. It's been just over a month since I gave my notice (I gave three weeks, plus stuck around to work a couple extra shifts to help the new manager, who was one of my employees) and I haven't noticed any new grey hairs, whereas I had a lot develop from January to March. Working so much, I ended up screwing some things up in my life that could have been really great and, really, I want to have a life again.

Right now I'm pretty much working full time at the restaurant. I was going to look for another part-time job, but at the moment I am getting enough hours that I don't have to worry about it. Hopefully, that's the case for awhile, because I love it and would rather just stay in the one place. I actually look forward to and am excited to go into work, which is a feeling I haven't had in a really long time. Today, for example, since it was Mother's Day, I worked from 9 in the morning to 11 at night (with about an hour long break in the middle) and we were swamped the entire time (the morning went crazy smooth, we got kind of raped at night), but if they had asked me to stay another 3 hours I probably would have.

But, anyway, I'm tired and my feet feel like two well-done steaks, so I'm going to bed.
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Subject:The Lookout
Time:11:32 pm
Just got back from seeing The Lookout with Ian and am seriously impressed. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is probably on one of the better acting runs in awhile with Brick and now this. BTW, Brick was the best movie I saw last year and, so far, I'd say that The Lookout is tied with Der Untergang for the best movie I've seen this year (although Der Untergang came out a couple years ago...I'm slow at these things, I just saw Anchorman for god's sake).

Ian and I both agree that Jeff Daniels (or as I like to call him: the one who isn't Jeff Bridges) makes the coolest blind guy ever. If everyone with massive head trauma got to hang out with visually-impaired bad asses like that, well then,I'm sure the world would be a better place. If ever a movie comes out, who's four principle leads are Jeff Daniels, Jeff Bridges, Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton, my head would explode.

It's kinda disorientating to watch a film shot in your home city, where they try to pretend it's some other city. They actually didn't make it too obvious, but still, that's our Millennium Library...not Kansas City's. I'm pretty sure Kansas City doesn't even have a Millennium Library. The director made really heavy-handed use of the cross on top of Calvary Temple...in a really bad, first year film student way, too. Just because there is a giant, neon cross right there doesn't mean you have to use it. Not every character in every movie needs the Christ imagery splashed all over them, it's a little done.

The other two issues were that everything wrapped up a little too conveniently and easily at the end and one of the main characters complete disappears in the last 20 minutes and we're never really given any closure with them.

Other than that I was hella impressed. The acting was superb, especially Gordon-Levitt and Matthew Goode as Gary. Even the way Gordon-Levitt moved was fascinating to watch, as if every motion was carefully considered before being put into action (which makes sense given his character's disability...car crash caused permanent brain trauma). There's also this really creepy character named Bone who says nothing until the very end and they make no attempt to explain who he is and how he got there and he's basically the awesomest thing in the whole movie and I hope they make a prequel starring him.

Basically what I'm saying is that you should see it right away, especially since it'll probably only be in the theatres for another week or so.
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Subject:The cold streets of the big city.
Time:12:00 am
Some minor exciting doings going on tonight.

Picked up an extra shift at the restaurant tonight, bussing actually, which I don't normally do. It was pretty quiet, except for a 5:30-6 o'clock rush of people eating before heading to the Eric Clapton show. By 7, though, the private dining room was half full and by 9 only a couple straggler tables were left. I hung around till just before 11, eating dinner, having a couple drinks and making a phone call, before leaving.

A couple blocks from my house, I passed a woman lying in the sidewalk. Another lady came upon her at the same time as me, and then a guy did as well about a minute later. We honestly couldn't tell if this woman was alive or dead; she was lying at a really awkward angle, her eyes were half-closed and we couldn't tell if she was breathing. We called a paramedic and then stayed with her to make sure she was picked up okay. We kept trying to engage her, asking her if she was okay, if she knew what happened, etc., but she really wasn't responding. Every once in a while she'd gain conciousness and ask us to help her up, but then she would slip back out. One of the times she started asking where her bag was, started crying and then turned to me and accused me of stealing it. While we're pretty sure she was mugged, she was clearly in a severely impaired state to begin with.

After a couple minutes, the paramedics arrived and helped her up and into the ambulance. They were very prompt and thankful for our help, but they were clearly jaded by the whole experience (one medic even remarking that he was pretty sure she was one of their regulars), which is a pretty sad statement about Winnipeg, but probably true. When they arrived on the scene, the first thing they told us was not to touch her and not because they were worried about her safety (first thing I did when I got home was wash my hands repeatedly).

The woman who came across her at the same time as meis from Toronto and was kind of blown away by the experience....wondering if it was common for people to walk by scenes like that (which a lot did). She's only been in town for a little while, but this wasn't the first person she's come across in a situation like that. She even asked the paramedics if we should call the cops, but they were pretty blunt in telling her that the cops probably wouldn't be able to do anything and would probably take at least an hour to respond anyway. Really, though, what could be done? We don't even know if she was mugged or just had so much alcohol/drugs/whatever that she blacked out, especially since she wouldn't even answer our direct questions to her (since she likely doesn't remember what happened either).

Ah well, at least I got some good karma out of it, or something, considering that my natural inclination would be to ignore it and pass on. I probably would've done that, except it was something about the way her eyes were half-closed that made me stop.

Winnipeg living, man. Surprisingly, though, this is the first situation like that I've been in, in the five-odd years that I've lived downtown.
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Subject:My new life plan.
Time:08:31 pm
I woke up this morning with the following written on the back of my hand:

1) Get fedora.

2) Rock out to the Jam.

3) Get hella laid.

Step 3 was actually written by Sarah, not me, but it does seem like the natural conclusion to steps 1 and 2. Name one fedora-wearing chap, whilst rocking to the Jam, who isn't getting laid consistently and with fervor. If only I could find a place that sells nice fedoras for less than $60. I don't want no hobo fedora, I want a really nice one. Like the kind you'd probably see Duke Ellington or Joseph Goebbels strolling around in, in 1925. That's assuming both had an affinity for nice fedoras but, really, what well-to-do man of the Twenties didn't?

BTW, the Toad's mod night is funny, because they're clearly just repeatedly hitting "next track" on the Nuggets compilation...which really isn't all that mod, but it's good stuff anyway. There's some absolutely amazing band names, too: The Electric Prunes, Mouse and the Traps, the Shadows of Knight, the Cryan Shames, the Amboy Dukes (with Ted Nugent!), the Swingin' Medallions, the Lollipop Shoppe, the Zakary Thaks, etc., etc.

Finally saw 300 yesterday. Visually stunning, but the dialogue left much to be desired. The narration was particularly painful to listen to, but it is fun to add "Sparta!" in a Burgess Meredith voice at the end of every sentence. "I'm going to buy some dinner...in Sparta!" "I'm going to drink that beer...as is the Spartan way!" Really, it's fun.
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Subject:The Killing Death! Tomorrow! Jan 4!
Time:05:46 pm
Seriously, show up, we have 150 seats to fill and we don't know 150 people. There's a bar in the theatre, people.

In addition to the hilarious film, the Killing Death, we will be screening shorts made by Tyler Glennon and Jay Van Deventer (Jay, I hope I spelled your name right).

The Park Theatre website says "Invite Only", but seriously show up, I'm sure we'll have room...plenty of it. Bring your friends and family...the film is rated 14A, so it's good for the slightly younger crowd.

Yeah, so show up or you'll make Lee cry.
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Subject:Killing Death
Time:02:27 am
January 4th, at 7pm, the Park Theater (698 Osborne Street)presents:

The Killing Death
Written and directed by Ian Russell. Produced by Ian Russell and Lee Hansen.

http://parktheatervideo.com/jan_07.pdf

Come see the absolutely fantastic, zero budget comedy/slasher flick starring Jeremy Dangerfield, Geoff Trubiak, Neil Reimer and others...plus, myself in not one, but two extra roles (four if you count times that my hands appear on their own). All with a kickin' soundtrack featuring Cab Calloway, Hank Williams, Al Jolson and a tonne more old blues and jazz numbers by a bunch of people we've never heard of.

Come for the comedy, stay for the amazingly well done green screen driving sequences. Screening is invite only, so please drop me a line at eliziumville@yahoo.ca if you want to come. Please do, because we want to fill the theatre.

Coming someday to DVD, the Killing Death with deleted and extended scenes and, if we can figure out how to do it, cast and crew commentary.
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Subject:Not at work, kinda shocking.
Time:10:23 pm
It was so dead at the restaurant that they let me go at 9:30. It sucks losing out on an 1 1/2-2 hours of pay, but I seriously spent 20 minutes pushing back my cuticles and filing my nails, since there was nothing else to do. There wasn't even any cutlery to buff, which is usually a given in a restaurant. My job becomes pretty superfluous when it is not busy, as I'm meant to help speed things up when it's busy >>> checking over the dishes to make sure they're right, getting the food out, basically anything to help the servers so that they can concentrate on the tables. When it's dead, there's no point in having the extra hand in the kitchen, as the servers are usually just hanging back there as well.

So now I'm home two hours before I thought I'd be and I have nothing to do. I probably shouldn't go out anyway, since I still have to do all my Christmas shopping tomorrow (all of it) and I'm pretty sure I got sent to collections by MasterCard. I've gotten all these weird cryptic messages on my machine that sound kind of like the kind left by collections agents, where they don't really want to say who they are because they think you'll avoid them and not pick up. If it is, I'm not surprised since I'm about $500 over my limit (which was pretty high to begin with) and have been pretty much since the summer. I did just send them a $250 cheque and, if I can swing it, plan on sending another $300 in the new year. I'll still owe a lot, but hopefully that'll pacify them a bit. At least my Visa is nearly paid off...well, I still owe $400 on it, but compared to my MasterCard, that's but a trifling.

Oh, yeah, there is a prominent Canadian politician staying at the hotel my restaurant is located and he ordered room service today. We all debated doing something foul to his food, but thought better of it (in the month and a half or so that I've worked there, I've never actually seen or heard of anyone doing anything to the food, so those of you that know where I work don't hesitate to come in, as the food is great and it's a class joint). I did steal a french fry off the plate, though.
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Subject:Today and before.
Time:04:16 pm
Current Mood:contentcontent
I actually posted this on myspace a couple days ago, but forgot to put it here. About all that can be added is that I finally had my first day off in 40 days yesterday. Since I never get a chance to sleep in anymore. I meant to stay in bed until 2. I think my body rebelled, though, because it was like, "no, you're finally getting sleep, so I'm not letting you up." Needless to say, I didn't get up until 4:30. I've never, ever been a morning person, now I have to get up at 6am five days a week.

After waking, Caleigh came over and we killed time by watching the Wizard and a couple episodes of Rome. Around 10:30, we walked down to the Zoo for the Paul Stanleys concert. My buddy Kri knows Paul Stanley on lead guitar, so he got us free tix. It was a pretty good show, the Stanleys are always entertaining (although hearing four people do the Paul Stanley voice for a couple hours can be kind of grating). The opening Motely Crue cover band kinda sucked, they were the only band I've seen that didn't cover any of the popular songs. Everything they played was an obscure b-side from early in the Crue's career. I came for Smokin' in the Boys Room, dammit, and I didn't get it. The night was a success, though, as Kri was absolutely wasted by the time we got there and proceeded to by me copious amounts of beer. I burning him some Dragonforce cd's to make up for it.

Anyway...here's the previous post from ms, set the wayback machine to a couple days ago:

I am officially the worst Myspace/LJ friend ever. I've not posted in awhile as I have officially reached a state of zombiefication. I've now worked 39 straight days at job A) Porn shop and job B) restaurant. This Saturday is technically a day off, but I still have to go into my store for an hour or two to go over some new procedural stuff with my staff...with the way my life has been lately, that is considered a glorious break, especially since I have to be up at six to be at work by seven most days (only once in the last month have I been able to sleep in past nine).

All in all, tho, it's been a lot of fun. Even though I've been regularly working 9-12 hours a day at my store, I'm excited about the changes the new owners are making and the gobs and gobs of new products they're bringing in. The restaurant is a nice change in routine, making it a little easier to handle working 7 days a week. I'm not sure how long I can do it for, but I'm hoping to last at least a couple more months.

Being at work is usually fine, but I'm always so worn out when I'm off. It's tough, because I've been seeing Caleigh for just over a month, so I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but she works pretty much the exact opposite schedule as me. Usually I meet up with her after she finishes work at 11 or so, we hang out for about an hour or so and then I fall asleep because I have to be up in six hours. Yesterday was nice, because she ended up with a weeknight off, so we got to spend a whole evening together (rather than it just being "Hi...okay, off to bed."). We didn't do anything other than watch movies, as I was much to out of it to go anywhere, but it was still nice.

Oh yeah, I totaled my car, too (last Saturday). I rear-ended a truck at a red light and the truck won. I actually wasn't doing anything illegal or not paying attention, I just didn't break quick enough as I thought they were going through the yellow light, which the front end of my car tells me that they did not. It might be that I'm just so monumentally worn out, but I'm surprisingly not that upset about it. It makes doing my store's banking a pain in the ass, but sometimes I kind of wish the bus ride to work was a little longer, as it gives me a chance to relax before my shift.

Anyway, I'm seriously falling asleep as I type this and I still need to shave, which I'd like to be awake for...so...bye.
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Subject:Oh, my ass.
Time:07:18 pm
So I've spent the last week and a half getting completely ass raped. The company I work for just got sold and the new company is doing an immediate switchover. Our stores are getting completely renovated and basically every facet of our jobs is completely changing. New computer systems, new pricing, new labeling, everything. So far this week, I worked 8 hrs on Monday, 9 hrs on Tuesday, 12 hrs on Wednesday, 12 hrs on Thursday, 10 hrs on Friday. Plus, I worked 10 hrs on Saturday helping the switchover at another one of our stores and another 2 hrs on Sunday. I literally spent 11 hrs on Wednesday peeling old labels off of DVD cases, to the point that my left hand was fused in a claw position until Sunday.

The only thing getting me through it is the thought of all the new products we're getting and the raise I'm supposed to get.

Plus, I got a second job...at quite possibly the worst time. I started Sunday as an expo in the restaurant at the Inn at the Forks. Basically that means I'm the everyman of the kitchen. When orders are done, I make sure they're all okay, like nothing's missing or anything and then I can take them out to the diners (although the servers will also grab plates), I also help out the bussers when it's busy or can cover at the host postion. I also have to make sure that we're not out of things like ketchup or utensils and basically help out wherever I can. My first shift was hella fun, plus there is a tonne of free food, so I think I'll stick around for awhile. I'm only going to be working there Friday and Saturday nights and the odd Sunday morning. I have a staff meeting there tonight, after which there is supposed to be an hour of wine tasting. Good times.

On top of everything else, I am stupidly sick. Sicker than I've been in a few years. I woke up about a week and a half ago with a fever, which went away after a couple days. However, since then I've had the most persistant, terrible, phlegmy, hacking cough. I finally dragged myself to a doctor yesterday, where I found out that I have an upper respertory infection. I have some pills, but the doctor said that the best thing would be to keep getting rest and fluids. Fluids I have down, but rest is the one thing I haven't been getting. Because of work, I've only been getting about 4 hrs of sleep a night, except for Friday where I competely crashed out for 12 hrs (much to the consternation of Caleigh, who I was supposed to hang out with that night).

Yeah, so basically that's why I haven't been updating.
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Subject:SS
Time:11:35 pm
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For some reason, this girl thinks I'm cute. I'm in such dorky love right now.
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Current Music:She Wants Revenge - Monologue
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Time:06:26 pm
Current Mood:blahblah
X-posted at eliziumville

I just completely buggerfied my hair up. I noticed that it was getting long, so I grabbed the ol' sharp and pointy and hacked away. I measured off about 2 inches, which seemed reasonable at the time, but was quite clearly too much. See, I am cursed with thick and lustrous hair. Now, you may think that is a stupid thing to complain about, but it's true...my hair is so thick and heavy that it is completely unmanageable. That comes from my mom, my sister got my dad's hair, so hers is thin and straggly like the hair some woodland creature.

When my hair is longer, it's not too much of a problem as it just hangs, or I can velcro it to the stubble on my skull for a windswept I'm-moving-really-fast look. When its short, it just sort of bunches in on itself and becomes a hair clump.

I never wear any gel or anything, because it never helps, but every couple years I forget this and buy some thinking, "This, this is the time that gel will work and my hair will look great and girls will love me and touch me in my most secret places and I'll get married and have a million babies and an employer will be so enchanted by my dashing manner that he'll give me a great job with excellent benefits and a car. A red one." Never do I remember that all gel does is turn my hair from a clump on my head into a sticky clump on my head.

At least this wasn't like the last time I bought hair gel a few years ago, when I decided that the problem was the quality of gel I had been using and spent $25 on a bottle that I threw out after like 6 months. This time I only spent $2.99. So it looks alright, but that's cuz I just applied it. In about an hour, after it dries, it'll probably resemble something not unlike a matte of cat hair.

Anyway, judge for yourself. Warning Giant Ukrainian Head Below!Collapse )

Not to be all into myself or nothing, but fuck I have nice eyes.
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Subject:One of you.
Time:11:02 pm
This lj will probably remain my preferred periodical musing space, I joined the rest of the sheep (i.e. all of you motherfuckers...god I hate the internet) and got a myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/eliziumville

Add me motherfucker, I'll probably rarely update it! Ha ha.

I also just noticed that I have like the exact same layout as Jay, but I ain't changing it, cuz I've used these colours for 5 years. This look is my blood, homes.
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Subject:Really, I'm not a sharp dude.
Time:02:12 pm
I made such a cold fool of myself on Saturday with a girl that I had to call her today to apologize for "acting such the cad." I also said something along the lines of "libations bring out an uncouth element in my personality."

THUMP!

That was my head hitting the desk, because I'm such a dork.



**************

In other news, I apparently have a reputation at work of sleeping with anything that moves. I really wish someone had told me that before, because I probably would have sex a lot more often, since I apparently have no standards or common decency or anything...
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Subject:Nutkickin'
Time:10:45 am
I kicked my boss in the nuts on Saturday. I can't really remember why. I was pretty drunk at the time, so I think that it was supposed to be a joke. He kicked me in return so I guess we're even, fuck I thought I was going to throw up when he did. Saturday was the Black and Blue Ball and it was actually a lot of fun (and not just for hoofing Dave in the crotch). I bought one drink there (as I only came with $5) and yet there was not a point where I didn't have a drink in my hand. I have no idea who kept handing them to me, they just sortof appeared. Knowing me, no one was buying them, I was probably just stealing them off of tables. No matter how I procured them, I did put away a heroic amount of alcohol that night, so much so that I ended up with a wicked hangover on Saturday (normally I never get hungover). It probably didn't help that all I ate all day Saturday was two pieces of rice cake, so the alcohol likely bypassed my stomach altogether and just absorbed itself into my brain.
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Time:10:48 pm
I went to see a hypnotist last week. Not because I have deep-seeded psychological issues that needed to be brought out, rather it was a hypnotism show. Although I do have deep-sided psychological issues, as well as superficial psychological issues and imaginary psychological issues, as well as...

Anyway, my mom is booking a conference next year in Calgary for one of the companies she works for (CHICA-Canada in this case and was thinking of hiring this hypnotist/motivational speaker as the closing act. Presenter, I guess, act sounds kind of strange to say in regards to a corporate conference. He happened to be in town doing a "gig" and invited my mom along to check out said "gig" before deciding to hire him. It was at a hotel a couple blocks from my apartment, so she invited me along and me and my mom totally crashed the Canadian Aviation Maintenance Council's Awards Dinner and Gala Evening. I was slightly underdressed. There were all these middle-aged cats and kittens wandering around in their fancy threads, waiting to get awards for a lifetime of lugnut screwing and I went looking like I normally do, like a no-goodnik. There were a lot of dudes in military wear as well, as the Air Force was given an award for, I don't know, having a lot of planes that needed fixing or something. They pretty much ignored the two of us.

The show itself, by Wayne Lee, was actually pretty entertaining. I don't for a second believe that anyone was actually hypnotized, but he was pretty funny. While I know people can be put into trances, I don't think it's quite possible when you're on a stage in front of a couple hundred people, with lights in your eyes, music blaring and some dude smacking you on the head and yelling "Sleep!" My theory is that people get on stage and their natural instinct is to not ruin the show, so they just go along with whatever he says. He started by pulling up a dozen or so people on stage and after about 10 minutes had weeded out the people who weren't really responding until there were 5 left. From there he had them do all the normal hypnosis stuff; act like an idiot, dance, he made one woman think that he wasn't wearing pants, stuff like that. At an hour and a half long, it kind of dragged at the end, but considering that I've never seen a hypnotist show before, it was pretty interesting.

Afterward, we went up and talked to him and he's a bit...intense. I guess motivational speaking attracts an intense lot, so that's not too surprising. He is a super nice guy, but it's like every thing he says is a reminder that you could be harnessing your own self empowerment right now. He even used the word "magicisity", which I'm pretty sure isn't actually a real word.

Before we left, he gave us each a signed copy of his book, Life's Magical Meanings. Well, it's actually just a series or words that he made acronyms out of, in order to find a deeper magical meaning or something (if you couldn't tell, he's all about the magic). It's supposed to be inspiring. Example: PEACE-Profound Expression And Calm Existence. ENERGY-Exists Naturally, Eternally, Releases Great Yearning, you get the idea. According to the inscription he wrote I am magic, so that's nice.

Before I go, here's a really good Achewood comic:

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Subject:It's an actual real post.
Time:07:28 pm
I should probably update more, but I don't. So there...

I had plans to sleep with a girl Saturday night (a specific girl, not just anyone random I could find), but that fell through spectacularly. Well, maybe spectacularly isn't the word, it just didn't work out. The disappointment in my pants was pretty spectacular, though.

My store was broken into recently. Actually, it was about 3 weeks ago but, like I said, I don't update that often. At about 4 in the morning someone broke into the pizza place next door (there was no sign of a "break in", so I suspect a former or current employee of that place was likely who did it) and drilled a hole into the wall between our stores and smashed in through the ceiling tiles. Yes, they drilled a hole. It was the most convoluted, ridiculous way to steal a couple of sex toys. And it was pretty clear that they had come in ahead of time to decide what to steal, as no movies or money was touch. All that was taken was *four* sex toys: a fake pussy, one bottle of lubricant, one dildo and one vibrator. Seriously, you spent spent an hour drilling a hole in a wall (and that's another thing, whoever did would have to have known that the pizza place didn't have an alarm because as soon as they came through the ceiling on our side ours went off) and all you took is four toys? One bottle of lubricant when you're standing in front of 100? Whoever did it caused way more cost in damages than product taken (which came to about $240, most of which was the pussy).

Oh yeah, whoever did it was barefoot because he left his foot prints on a ceiling tile he landed on when he crashed through.

Here's a comic my employee Sarah drew about the incident:

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Time:12:21 am
The Ultimates fucking rule.

Cut for bignessCollapse )

That is all.
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Time:10:47 pm
Most people, when drunk, do cool things like have sex, commit crimes or have sex. What do I do when I'm drunk? Well, according to the envelope that arrived in the mail today, I sign up for accident insurance.
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Time:12:44 am
A guy came in my store and wandered around talking to himself. My music was too loud (Maximo Park) and he was on the other side of the store, so for the most part I couldn't hear what he was saying. Mostly he was picking up movies and commenting on them to himself. After about 20 minutes, he made it over to a section slightly closer to me and picked up a couple movies. He looked at them and with a tonne of disdain in his voice said "Filthy whores, filthy fucking whores" and left pretty quickly. I imagine he went home to masturbate to thoughts of sawing girl's heads off.
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Subject:Shoppin'
Time:06:25 pm
I went grocery shopping today. I bought twelve beers, 3 bottles of Coke, chicken fingers and 4 pounds of grapes....and that's it. People who complain about grocery shopping obviously don't know how to shop.

Seriously, four pounds of grapes. They take up like half the fruit/vegetable drawer thingy in the fridge, it's awesome.

Hey, here's a picture of a hedgehog with a flower on its head.

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Subject:Family night
Time:09:40 pm
It was my dad's birthday today. We're doing a proper dinner sometime after the weekend, but tonight we got together (we being me, my parents, sister and nephew) for cake. For the record, my dad is 64, which is really old since it seems that all my friends' parents are in their early fifties. My dad actually remembers WWII (well, vaguely. He was 4 when it ended). He only ever wants 2 things for gifts, books or DVDs. Since he has a stack of about 30 books (mostly sci-fi fantasy stuff like Robert Jordan) still to read I was going to get him a DVD, but I couldn't find anything I wanted to give him, so I went with gift certs. Unimaginative, but I hate shopping for my parents (my mom's worse, what the hell do you buy your mom?).

Apparently, I inherited my cheap drunkeness from my mother, but from my dad I picked up the ability to never get hangovers. I figure that I got the best of both world's, as I don't need to spend a lot and I feel great the next day. For the record, it takes a lot to get my dad drunk (although he did stop drinking a long time ago) and my mom gets wicked hangovers.

My four year old nephew made me watch the Mike Teavee sequence in the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 4 times in a row (where he gets zapped into the TV), while he danced (which consists of standing in one spot and bobbing up and down while occasionally swinging his arms around, he's ready for goth night). Apparently he's does not want to get sucked into the TV like Mike Teavee because it is "too 'cary." He has trouble with "s" sounds, which is why he is going to a speech therapist. That boggles my mind, how do you explain to a four year old about enunciation, he just learned how to go to the bathroom a couple months ago, speech therapy seems a little advanced. I'm not kidding about the bathroom thing either. For all his life, he would get terrible stomach aches and think that it was caused by going to the bathroom, so he would try to hold it in (I'm talking about the big #2 here, not #1). Of course, his stomach hurt because he wasn't going to the bathroom, but you try explaining that to a toddler. Eventually, he got so constipated that it would hurt when he would tried to go to the bathroom (since it was so packed in it would be like trying to pass a large stone) and the vicious cycle would continue. This of course led to laxatives every day, a couple enemas (which he held in for 3 hours. Can you imagine the will power needed to be so afraid of going to the bathroom that you would hold in an enema for 3 hours?) and finally a trip to the hospital to get tubes stuck in him to flush him out (that was about 6 months ago). Nothing worked. Finally, a few weeks ago, he just seemed to realize that he had to go or else he would be missing out on a lot (none of the other kids would want to play with him, because within five minutes of playing he'd be doubled over screaming trying to hold it in) and now he goes like a champ. As I said, he's four now, so you can imagine how much pain he's been in the last couple years.

He also hates it when I pretend to forget who he is. Like we'll be looking at a photograph of him and I'll ask "who's that".

Tristan: Me.
Lee: Who?
Tristan" Tri'tan.
Lee: Who's Tristan?
Tristan: I'm Tri'tan.
Lee; I don't know any Tristan.
Tristan: ME!
Lee: You're talking crazy.

It'll go on until he sighs like I'm the biggest idiot in the world and he's not going to bother attempting to continue the conversation with me. I'll do the same thing with colours, like try to convince that something orange is really purple. I'm pretty sure the kid thinks I'm retarded.
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Subject:Pompadour jr.
Time:07:27 pm
My hair's doing this weird wave thing today that I can't get rid of. Well, all I really tried was wetting it and smoothing it back, but that's about all I can do since I don't own any hair care products other than shampoo. With the way it looks today, I feel like I should be fronting a swing band. I lent out my camera, so here's a picture I drew of it.

Journals are so much more fun when you just post pictures, rather than sitting like a goober, typing up an entry.

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P.S The Robocop Kraus owns you. They also have the best band name going now.
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Subject:Solla Solla Enna Perumai
Time:10:53 pm

The greatest damned anything ever.
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Subject:Progress, slowly.
Time:07:43 pm
Ian just bought a Mac, so the editing of the movie can begin in earnest. I thought we were going to do a bit tonight, but I guess he got called into work or something, cuz he ain't home now. Oh well, some other day I guess. Now that we can start putting the shots together, we can see what still needs to be shot, which will probably be nothing more than establishing shots of buildings and the like. I guess if we're not editing, I'll just sit here with a cat on my lap, reading whats on the internets.

On Sunday, I went with Ben, Ian and Erin to check out the Marvel Comics exhibit at the Winnipeg Art Gallery. It was kind of underwhelming as it only really showcased a few covers and the steps taken to produce them (pencils, inks, the various colour layers, etc.) and not much else. Apparently, this was an exhibit that was originally done in 1973 with items borrowed from Marvel. Apparently Marvel was so impressed with it that they sold everything to the WAG. In the 30 years since, I guess the WAG has lost or sold a lot of the displays, because the 1973 exhibit looked much bigger. The covers chosen were hilariously random, too, since they were clearly given to the WAG originally because they were the most recent issues in 1973. If they were doing an exhibit today, they'd probably pick a bunch of classic and important covers like Fantastic Four #1, the Gwen Stacy death in the Amazing Spider-Man and, umm, I don't know, probably some stupid X-Men cover. Instead, we were treated to such classics as SPIDER-MAN!!!! vs. the Smasher (Who? Exactly.) and THOR!!!! vs. a couple dogs.

Well, since I'm talking about comic books anyway, I must say that Marvel's Civil War rules. I know a lot of hardcore Marvel fans don't like it (especially the absolutely retarded idea of having Spider-Man reveal himself as Peter Parker to the public), but I'm a sucker for epic storylines that encompass every character and spans multiple titles. For those who aren't geeks like me, the basic story is that the government has instituted a law that forces all superheroes to register with them and be trained like regular officers of the law. Some, like Iron Man and Mr. Fantastic, are for it while others, like Captain America, are against it. Those who are against are currently being hunted as fugitives. Besides, any comic that makes Speedball a main character automatically rules. He fucking bounces off things, motherfucker!

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Subject:Billiards
Time:02:24 am
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Subject:The blood of my blood.
Time:09:58 pm
Holy fuck, I just sliced the motherfuck out of my chest. I walked into my apartment and took off my shirt, since I rarely ever wear a shirt in my house. I went into my room and threw my bag onto the floor and I guess it caught the bottom of my mirror and the thing came crashing down into me. It's just a four foot plate of mirror, too, there's no rounded frame or anything. The corner of it slashed right across my chest and opened that fucker up. It's a good gash, too, not just a cut....about 4-5 inches long and, I don't know, a few millimeters wide. It's one of those gashes where you're like "Fuck, that's my insides."

It should be alright though, I washed the area with hand soap and have about 10 bandaids along it so, out of sight, out of mind, you know? The worst part is that I'm a real fucking man with real fucking chest hair like a man should have, so those bandaids are going to hurt like a mother to pull off. I shaved a bit off around the cut, but still, not looking forward to tomorrow.

Gravity 1, Lee 0.
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Time:12:31 am
I just had the weirdest cabbie. He kept calling me "Guv'nuh" and would repeatedly say "Yes, I see.", even if I hadn't said anything to him. Most of the time, he was saying it so quietly that it was more like part of a conversation he was having with himself.

Then, when I paid him, he told me he loved me. Really.

Thank god I don't cab much.
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Subject:Blaster! Aw shit, what's up you motherfucker?
Time:12:02 am
http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=5153

Optimus Prime comes back to life and he's really pissed off about everything.

Optimus: Who else do we have?
Blurr: HeyOptimusthisismeBlurritssogreatthatyou're...
Optimus: Oh shit.
Blurr: ...broughtyoubacktolifenowwehaveachanceagainsttheDecepticons...
Optimus: Shut up, Blurr! Out of all the Autobots to survive... Fuck me.
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Time:09:46 pm
On a message I belong to, it's become a fad over the last couple weeks to make signatures based on Marvel's Civil War (well, I'm sure it's a fad at many message boards all over the internet). Here are some that I've made.

If you don't know what the Civil War is, here ya go.

First, the Marvel orginals:
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Lotsa picturesCollapse )
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Time:08:34 pm
HEY! Here's a picture I just drew of myself eating a banana and DRINKING!, motherfucker! It looks like I'm talking on the banana like a telephone, but I"M NOT, motherfucker, I'm EATING IT! That cup, VODKA, motherFUICKER!.

Where are my hands? I DON"T KNOW, MOTHERFUCKER!

True story...my shirt does not actually say SEX BOMB. ARTISTIC LICENSE, MOTHERFUCKER, there's nothing you can do.

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I DON'T know why it's so small, motherfucker. Photobucket, waz up wit u, MOTHERFUCKER?
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